"Bada-bing, bada-boom." -Andrew

That being said, we will now cooperatively compose a poem for the collective "your" enjoyment:

We made fried chicken and macaroni
I cried myself to sleep.
Originally WE thought everyone was all phony
But to our surprise, the meal tastes like bologna.
If I don't pass my Praxis test I will dip myself in citric acid.

The Last Entry.  <<>>  (heh)

<<this all is copied out of my honest-to-goodness REAL journal.  in which i write with a stylus and ink.  actually, just a pen.  but i really WRITE in it>>:

...something that indefinitely nauseates me ((and-- to my mortified embarassment, i've sadly fallen into the 'xanga' category)) are people on the internet (xanga) who try to come off overly profound.  can't you see!?  all you're craving is attention, popularity, and respect.  most of this occurs online in journal-like webpages designed to publicize individuals' ability to be depressed where people may leave comments on that specific entry... it sickens me.  did i mention the opportunity it gives all these image-crisis-stricken adolescents to make incredibly hardcore-looking, depressed/sexy/pouty pictures of themselves as they rant about how much they hate themselves?  come on... if you really hated yourself that much, it's highly unlikely that you'd pose in front of your effing webcam nineteen different times with the exact same facial expression plastered upon your face that you'd previously practiced in front of the mirror for sixteen hours before you cautiously selected a perfectly "punk" outfit from your closet ((in which you'd hastily shoved any garment bearing the tag of "gap", "american eagle", or "forever 21" out of the way, shivering at the thought of anyone actually LEARNING that you POSSESS such things)) and then had strategically placed 3.2 liters of black liquid eyeliner around each eye socket.   oh yes, and please don't forget the typically inevitable "close-up of one eye" picture, which you will discreetly place as your background, after you inconspicuously zoom in on it 279 times.  as you find the most cryptic, suicidal song lyric to type into your entry that you didn't even w r i t e.  come on, fetuses.  as you may notice, these sort of people DO enfuriate me.  or the people in honest-to-goodness physical reality who beckon to you with their aura of depression.... seeking to permeate and intrigue any and every individual who they come in contact with, with their isolated air and countenance, under the pretense of being antisocial.  now, calling for all that unneeded, and most likely undeserving sympathy is more "social" than some of the most popular people i know.  the message that these people are REALLY trying to relay to us is, "although i've only been on this earth for a quarter of my entire lifetime, and in spite of the fact that i've practically just emerged from the freakin birth canal, i have witnessed and have had to endure the most horrific and disturbing scenes and instances that have or will ever occur in this entire world... and my pain is more potent and agonizing than the capability of any human being that has ever existed.  ever.  all in my 17 year old body in the richest country in the entire world in the year 2004.  i am irreversibly wounded forever and ever, you can try to fix me but you will never be able to.  may demons and other horrible creatures of the underworld, including orks, come and eat my soul after i shove a knife into my head, with papa roach repititiously playing in the background."  EPWOIRU#*.  annoy.  and THAT, my confidante, is why i am discontinuing my xanga ((a website such as this)).  i don't need to publicize the nothings of my existence in hopes of being deemed an intriguing person, which is the idea that this entire xanga scene has seemed to employ.  plus.... i'd rather think.  unconcerned. 

The End.

well... it's so weird being home on a monday night.  it's like weirdly awesome.... sort of.... well i know all the multitude of you that read this are just dying to know exactly what i took on this weekend..... huhhhhhhhhhh ummm like friday nightttttttt dan came overrrrrr and i showed him jessie's presents and we chilled in my room and we played guitar and piano and he is one of my best friends in the entire world.  i am probably one of the luckiest people in the world.... yo dan might get "made" on mtv because they're at steinert and they're gonna do him.  or something.  i'd be like, yeah rock on.  rock the eff on.  rock the kim doughty on.  that is what i would say.  and since my parents were gone like all night, he left before they came home, so they were put out since they heart him like no other.  oh well.  oh wait all this happened saturday night.  becasue friday night i was babysitting fetuses with ADHD.  yeah so this was saturday.  and i cancelled my guitar lesson because i wanted to sleep in and yet i did not (do not ask me why).... and then i bought jessie's presents and i bought another HELEN present.  ::org::.... and then sunday i was like "hi early service church" and me and my brother were sitting next to each other.  i was like "hey, i actually remember when i adored you, rob.  i really remember when i had no emotions when i was little and you weren't so insensitive and becasue of my childlike innocence you listened to anything i said."  now that i'm old, he does not respect me as much..... my words, even if i'm crying and cursing and screaming.... will not get through to him.  no one's will.  it's quite frustrating.  but i've found out the perfect relationship for us.  we see each other on some sunday mornings... some days he comes over with fricknette to eat dinner like a nice jolly family.  did i say fricknette?  i mean lynette.... little accidental slip of the tongue THERE.  like when i just see him sporadically, there are no emotional breakdowns.  on my part, because the only thing that dwells inside of him is resentment to every single thing ever.  i'm sorry.  this makes absolutely no sense.  and also, i can also talk to him about mom and dad because he's the only one capable of knowing exactly what i mean because he's gone through the same thing.  so i figured out why my brother and sister are so messed up.  because my mother is abusive.  that's neat.  my psychologist says she's the one who needs sessions.... i am like "wow, that's really neat".  but hey, who doesn't get abused?  sometimes it's awesome.  hha, that's a joke.  just kiddin.  heh.  ehhhhh.  okay i'm talking about my weekend right.  tangeantbeth.  wow, sis. tedesco.  ummmm so i guess i'm on sunday.... and then i get home from church and do all this stuff.... and then i take a shower and get dressed up like a whore.... to go out to scuzzis..... oh freedom yeah.  actually i was wearing fishnets, which aren't really whorish.... but a dress on top of that.... i don't know... it just strikes me as whorey.  maybe because i'm not used to getting dressed into anything other than grungy jeans and a freakin shirt.  eh.  so yeah.  me and erin went to jessie's little dinner thing.  can i just say.  that i love her as much as dan.  like.... i have so much freakin abounding love for them it's weird.  i have this odd tendency to gravitate toward couples.... it's always like.... a boyfriend and girlfriend, and then kate.  it's strange.  i got jessie this sick naked faerie that sits on desks with stained glass wings.... i wanted it so bad but i love her too much.  and then i got her an awesome earring that matches mine..... they're marquisite stars.... and she's gettin another piercing in honor of me... i was like wow i heart you more than ever.  jessie's face is the lamb of god.... it's so hot like "hi i have never seen a hotter girl in my life"  bye.  yeah so then how about i know like every single staff member at scuzzis?  i saw zeeque lmaoooooooooooo it's this kid i liked when i was a fetus (in ninth grade) and he was a senior and he looks like a model and i don't know.... helen thinks he's hot too because she's seen him before, because he works like EVERYWHERE.... and because me and helen have the same taste....but he thought he was hot too, so it was always like yeah the pompass hot guy that you liked when you were all hideous and then he sees you again in like a couple years and everything's different.... and he never even acknowledged my existance until sunday and he was like heyyyyy what's going on...... and i was like wow, i don't even think you're hot anymore see how the tables TURN BIZATCH?  shiiiiiyat.  but yeah and i also saw angela who is like one of those really, really, really sweet girls.  and i also saw.... my gay friend from steinert who is my love.... i didn't know he would recognize me...... and he did, and he made me kiss him on the cheek before i left... i miss him, i do.  he just needs a better life.  i have to visit him again.  and then we left.  and i came home, and went to sleep.  and studied for world war two.  and talked to various individuals on the telephone.  who says "telephone"!?  jeeze.  and then today, was freakin gay.  wwII test, did good on that.... algIII test, not that well i don't think.  and the worst part about today was that i found out jill is leaving.  i was really really upset.  she told me... thank god.... i don't know how i'd be with her just leaving without saying goodbye.... like she was planning to do... i wrote her this goodbye letter (that's why i did bad on my algIII test) and she read it and cried and we hugged for like 5 minutes.  it's so weird how people just drop in and out of your life.... it sucks.....  but it's like you know you better fucking make the most out of every moment.  i'm sorry. 

i lost the love of my life that night.